Uninvited Phoenix

I wrote down all my fears
one by one
on a ruled sheet of paper
a detailed list
with bullet points
underlines
& graphs & even
a fuckin bar chart

I left nothing off

I folded up that paper
closed my eyes and
thought deep thoughts
and placed it in a fire
in a backyard chiminea
feeling the heat on my fingertips
I watched my fears burn up
every single one
I breathed the smoke
and coughed

but like a goddamn
uninvited phoenix
those fears came
rising up
creeping back
into my life
into my mind
I cannot push aside
these dark thoughts

what am I to do

I guess I’ll find more ink
a bigger sheet
and start a bigger fire
burn it higher
brighter
hotter than desire
I’ll gather up the ashes
& burn those fuckers twice
if that don’t work
I’ll burn everything
until nothing’s left
not even a single
ember ash or
smoldering

unwanted mass of beak & feathers
this disfigured bird
will not be born again

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