Tried

I tried to hum a truthful tune;
got hung up on her hubris

tried to see her unconditional;
stood staring through viewfinder

I tried to see her ugly;
seeped on through skin’s pretty face

tried to be a moral high ground;
got buried in her low

I tried to be her everything;
instead, left just vaporized

tried to be her valiant knight;
dried up in her day

I tried to be her time stands still;
but I’m just sand, sifting through her hourglass.

Charcoal Skin

life is spinning spiral downward
at the bottom looking up at mother
wind is twisting bitter in my face
mind is crushing wall of pain
fetal trauma hit my head inside the womb
father’s fist directs me toward the sky
burning paper pencil No. 2
if I was first would I find hope

suicide god is walking in my head
addiction god is choosing left or right
when I can’t fix what I have spent
when I can’t fake what I can’t hide

this burden on your bleeding shoulders
this failure in your name regret
this speck of black in whitened eye
this broken limb on family tree

self-destruction brought upon by self infliction
burning trash pressed inside the landfill gates
leaves me only painful question
if god was on my side would I succeed
babysitting me small child
smell of potpourri and fresh-baked brownies
mail runs with grandpa every day
intoxication banging on the window

burning leaves me only blisters, charcoal skin